AM I A BASTARD?

I don't know why am i like this... i hate myself.. i don't know what i've done... what more i will do.... everyone hates me for me being like this.. i want to run away as far as possible .. as fast as possible.. run away from everything... i want to go back into my shell... its what i want now... rite now... i wasted my life... its all over but i have a strong feeling i can bring it back... i can bring back what i always wanted.. if i word hard.....

I hate people who play music.. its not hate.. i get on my nerves... i always wanted to play music,,, be a part of music... i ve had the oppourtunities to learn but i never... now i really want to learn for the past year and a half its in my heart but now am quite busy with other work..... i feel i wasnt respected .... i was jus like one among the photographers who is clikcing.... i hate my self....i wanna get all the attention or else get out from there.... when will i really learn... the pain is too much..

Why dont even my close people understand this.............

I FEEL AS IF AM A BASTARD