I don't know why am i like this... i hate myself.. i don't know what i've done... what more i will do.... everyone hates me for me being like this.. i want to run away as far as possible .. as fast as possible.. run away from everything... i want to go back into my shell... its what i want now... rite now... i wasted my life... its all over but i have a strong feeling i can bring it back... i can bring back what i always wanted.. if i word hard.....
I hate people who play music.. its not hate.. i get on my nerves... i always wanted to play music,,, be a part of music... i ve had the oppourtunities to learn but i never... now i really want to learn for the past year and a half its in my heart but now am quite busy with other work..... i feel i wasnt respected .... i was jus like one among the photographers who is clikcing.... i hate my self....i wanna get all the attention or else get out from there.... when will i really learn... the pain is too much..
Why dont even my close people understand this.............
I FEEL AS IF AM A BASTARD
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Reason Why Am Here.....
Without no reason no one is born. It really took me a lot of years to understand the meaning of life, am still searching for one final answer which would stop my search. As far as now right this moment am here to make people happy.
It has happened to me a lot of times and am happy. Most of the people whom i make happy are girls, have no reason why i haven't made a single male happy. Made a lot of girls happy, they say it to me, they like me because i make them laugh and make them happy.
This is the same story which happens to me always - Some girl who is in search of happiness would come into my life, then we talk a lot, talk a lot, talk a lot, I make her happy, happy & happy, then I make her to forget about her worries and at one stage there will be only happiness where there will be no looking back at her past and cribbing about it.. at that stage she goes into the world all by herself... Am so happy that i have actually guided a few into the life of happiness.
...........................IF THEY ARE HAPPY I AM HAPPY......................... Still i haven't found what i want but i like what i have and what am doing........... am happy........
Life laughs at you when your SAD,
Life smiles at you when your HAPPY, but
Life salutes you when you make others HAPPY - Charlie Chaplin.
It has happened to me a lot of times and am happy. Most of the people whom i make happy are girls, have no reason why i haven't made a single male happy. Made a lot of girls happy, they say it to me, they like me because i make them laugh and make them happy.
This is the same story which happens to me always - Some girl who is in search of happiness would come into my life, then we talk a lot, talk a lot, talk a lot, I make her happy, happy & happy, then I make her to forget about her worries and at one stage there will be only happiness where there will be no looking back at her past and cribbing about it.. at that stage she goes into the world all by herself... Am so happy that i have actually guided a few into the life of happiness.
...........................IF THEY ARE HAPPY I AM HAPPY......................... Still i haven't found what i want but i like what i have and what am doing........... am happy........
Life laughs at you when your SAD,
Life smiles at you when your HAPPY, but
Life salutes you when you make others HAPPY - Charlie Chaplin.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
What must i do......
Nothing was so sure in my life. I did everything and tried anything. Nothing really happened until i joined college. I was going in my way, 24*7 photography. Learn as quickly as possible. Someone from some where came into my life and i started to learn the motio
n photography (CINEMATOGRAPHY) from him (GEORGE). Dec 26th he asked me to make my portfolio ready and on 26th i got a call and i went an hour late to meet Mr. Arjun Jena, cinematographer of AEGAN. I got all wet completely wet when i reached him. He made me to wait for an hour. I had a little knowledge on the cinema world. He came had a look at my photographs. And asked me what's D.O.F and I.S.O which i answered and later asked whats lattitude for which said nope i dont know sir but i will learn (i wanted to be strong like will smith in the movie pursuit of happyness). He asked me to leave and said he will give me a call...... Jan 1.... got a call from him saying 
tomorrow is the photo shoot and asked me to come...... It started there.... with no technical knowledge i joined him as his assist.... the first work i did at photoshoot was tears newspapers so it can be kept as markers for a refrence book...... the first work i did in the shoot was cover an entire balcony with black cloth.... the first thing i spoke with Ajith - Doing my B.sc Visual communication and am studying and working.... the last thing i did for this film was yesterday 9\10\08 went to my office and collected audio sond cd..... From nothing when i joined and to something rite now i ve learnt something and am always thankful to GEORGE and to my cinematographer Mr. Arjun Jena
n photography (CINEMATOGRAPHY) from him (GEORGE). Dec 26th he asked me to make my portfolio ready and on 26th i got a call and i went an hour late to meet Mr. Arjun Jena, cinematographer of AEGAN. I got all wet completely wet when i reached him. He made me to wait for an hour. I had a little knowledge on the cinema world. He came had a look at my photographs. And asked me what's D.O.F and I.S.O which i answered and later asked whats lattitude for which said nope i dont know sir but i will learn (i wanted to be strong like will smith in the movie pursuit of happyness). He asked me to leave and said he will give me a call...... Jan 1.... got a call from him saying 
tomorrow is the photo shoot and asked me to come...... It started there.... with no technical knowledge i joined him as his assist.... the first work i did at photoshoot was tears newspapers so it can be kept as markers for a refrence book...... the first work i did in the shoot was cover an entire balcony with black cloth.... the first thing i spoke with Ajith - Doing my B.sc Visual communication and am studying and working.... the last thing i did for this film was yesterday 9\10\08 went to my office and collected audio sond cd..... From nothing when i joined and to something rite now i ve learnt something and am always thankful to GEORGE and to my cinematographer Mr. Arjun Jena
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Replacement Happniess
I was not born happy in this world.... yes like all babies do i cried during my birth... why do babies cry when they are born???? they knew the world out is bad and not welcoming you so you cry you wont want to be exposed or simple come out of the shell.... so now i think way back... when was i happy????? hmmmm....on my 5th birthday not sure when.... my dad got me a red teddy bear... he came climbing up the stairs and i saw him from balcony and i ran and i hugged him.... i still remember that... it's registered in my mind ... i have the feel as if it happens in most of the movies... Dad got me everything and anything i wanted... point my at anything and i got it..... but mom was not like that.... why???
It's really a funny one.... Pls dont laugh... my mom and a few of her friends and thier kids we all went to naidu hall for shopping... this was also waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back.... and i cried for something .... i really liked it... and i know almost every kids in the town has that.... any guesses??????? I CRIED FOR A BARBIE DOLL !! LOLZ.......... see that time i cried and now am laughing my ass out... REPLACEMENT HAPPINESS............... We got a PC in 1998 itself... cool rite???? and when i was in 6th ma dad got me a cricket kit for 1200 bucks .... for me it was waaaaaaaaaay big money.... i said... "Pa thanks...."and later... life was fucked up..... i was soooooooo good at studies that i (many ppl aint know this ) flunked in a 7th.... so life was hard.... so how cleared ma 10th (86%) and changed school 11th.... fell in love ... not really... but that time i called it as pure love..... funny rite..... so again... studies was bad... cleared 12th with dignity had a big fight with my principal and me... so i call it DIGNITY(59%)........ then college.... agains gals... gals ... gals.....
( and on 31/08/2006 i got my firstcamera NIKON FM2..........exactally two years later 31/08/2008 i got NIKON D80...................)
I call gals as replaement happiness..... but onething is clear..... all gal frnds of mine give me happiness but they actually dont replace .... i only mean the happiness they give me is replaced by one and another..... each one is different and i cant forget them in my life........
I meet a gal then she departs... sad for some time.... then another gal .... she departs.... then another..... LIFE KEEPS GOING........................ so are really gals my happiness.......
FAMILY................GEORGE..... ARJUN JI.......THE WORK I DO..............FRIENDS........................
life is a cycle you get happiness and the very next day sad........ BALANCED .... nature's trick.....
It's really a funny one.... Pls dont laugh... my mom and a few of her friends and thier kids we all went to naidu hall for shopping... this was also waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back.... and i cried for something .... i really liked it... and i know almost every kids in the town has that.... any guesses??????? I CRIED FOR A BARBIE DOLL !! LOLZ.......... see that time i cried and now am laughing my ass out... REPLACEMENT HAPPINESS............... We got a PC in 1998 itself... cool rite???? and when i was in 6th ma dad got me a cricket kit for 1200 bucks .... for me it was waaaaaaaaaay big money.... i said... "Pa thanks...."and later... life was fucked up..... i was soooooooo good at studies that i (many ppl aint know this ) flunked in a 7th.... so life was hard.... so how cleared ma 10th (86%) and changed school 11th.... fell in love ... not really... but that time i called it as pure love..... funny rite..... so again... studies was bad... cleared 12th with dignity had a big fight with my principal and me... so i call it DIGNITY(59%)........ then college.... agains gals... gals ... gals.....
( and on 31/08/2006 i got my firstcamera NIKON FM2..........exactally two years later 31/08/2008 i got NIKON D80...................)
I call gals as replaement happiness..... but onething is clear..... all gal frnds of mine give me happiness but they actually dont replace .... i only mean the happiness they give me is replaced by one and another..... each one is different and i cant forget them in my life........
I meet a gal then she departs... sad for some time.... then another gal .... she departs.... then another..... LIFE KEEPS GOING........................ so are really gals my happiness.......
FAMILY................GEORGE..... ARJUN JI.......THE WORK I DO..............FRIENDS........................
life is a cycle you get happiness and the very next day sad........ BALANCED .... nature's trick.....
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Start
25/09/08
Am i the last person in his 20's to start a blog??? i been writing a lot in bits of papers... i call it free association writing.... got this word from the movie "The Sixth Sense"...well its basically what now am doing or what ur reading ... write down things that come to ur mind... words ... lines...any shit....everyone around me seems to be blogging... well aint know why ppl want to share their emotions and other stuff to some one unkown like u !! well i aint know why am writing.... may be am influenced by ppl around me... Divya is one ... Prasanna the editor started to blog... well why not me... why me left out ... left out of the thing which all ppl of my age are doing?? why dont i share or shout out my emotions here.....i really dont give a fuck is anyone is reading it or not reading it...... from now this will the place where i will shout.... no fucking person can really ask me what am doing ... may be can be one person the website ppl ... hehehe....... so ppl around me are the main motivators for me to do this..... hmmmm..... lets see where it ends........
!!EVERYTHING THAT HAS A BEGINGIN HAS AN END - MATRIX REVOLUTION!!
!!EVERYTHING THAT HAS A BEGINGIN HAS AN END - MATRIX REVOLUTION!!
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